Disadvantages of Online Dating

1. Natural Death
2. Deception
3. Lying
4. Fake Profiles and Scammers

Solutions to Reduce Potential Problems

• a) Video Chat
• b) Call Apps
• c) Social Media Contact
• d) Paying for the Air Ticket

What are the Disadvantages of Online Dating?

Though I advocate the use of online dating to make more friends, I have to reflect truthfully on what I perceive as the deterrents that many people will experience in one way or another. Being conscientious of some of the disadvantages discussed will give a better picture as to why people are behaving in one way or disappearing on online dating.

People give harsh critics to online dating generally because they think it is unreal and they have not met the real deal. In real life even without the world of online dating, don’t you think people can also fail in their reliability and character?

Accepting the flaws in the online dating system can adjust your expectations and set your mentality right by not shutting it down on the first failed attempts if you encounter them.

Does your Online Relationship have to be doomed this way?

1. Natural Death

It is very common to have what I called a ‘natural death’ during the process of email communication. Two people started out emailing each other frequently. Suddenly one party decided to withdraw from the online relationship and stopped communication instantly without warning and explaining.

It left the other party very confused and hurt which is one of the negative impacts that people have no faith in online dating anymore. Some might feel that they themselves are the cause of the disappearance of the other party.

Yet, normal people do not find a need to apologize for the things that they had done for leaving hurt and wonder to the other party about their abrupt disappearance.

Experienced online daters would know that missing-in-action is pretty common in online dating so do not take it too hard as self-talk in not taking the blame for whatever happens is crucial in maintaining a positive spirit beneficial for you in the long run.

Many factors can account for this withdrawal behaviour of what I have analysed:

Having the same common goal in life is important

a) They realize that their objectives and expectations in life do not go hand-in-hand with the other party after a few emails exchange and they find it a waste of time to continue the online conversation.

b) Some people are looking for sex and if the other party does not want it, has shown no interest or resistance in their view, they drop him or her like hotcakes.

c) Some people are looking for a real long term relationship and if the other party does not show that they are the potential ones, they stop communicating as well.

d) They have found someone more interesting for them and they want to concentrate to talk to that one or that few people which are being short-listed for making it to their ‘interested’ list.

e) Other online daters whom they talk to stay nearer to them so meeting up with them seem more realistic compared to a long-distance relationship.

f) Some people just cannot hold an in-depth conversation beyond that basic self-introduction after a few emails so the novelty fuses out in a short time.

g) They find you boring in online conversation and cannot see themselves meeting you for real.

h) Many people are reported as ‘being weird’ so if you fall into that category which they perceive you to be, you are out in their league.

i) Some questions are of the wrong timing. Assuming the ladies start telling the men about her plan to get married before xx years old or her plan about having babies, some men may run because the topics get a bit too heavy and early for them to handle.

j) Some people do not know what they want because they are new to online dating so they are actually not interested to form any deep relationship with anyone. Some even deactivate their accounts in 24 hours’ time after talking to a few people.

k) They are people who make use of online dating to heal their wounds when they have just broken off from their last partner. After they are healed, they go back to meeting people in real life and do not want to talk to anyone from online dating anymore.

l) Simply too busy and time-consuming to make talks every now and then.

m) Suspecting that one party is lying or hiding something at some point in time.

2. Deception

Two very common complaints especially from the men about the women that they meet who lie about their weight online and they do not look close to how they look in their photos which make the men disappointed.

With the savvy technique of the camera trick with the right angle and photoshop, many women can look so much slimmer on photos than who they really are (watch the 12 seconds video below). Many men are quite concerned about dating plump or overweight women.

Women are also being complained of using too much makeup or makeover in their photos thus when they meet the men in real life without much makeup, they look like another person. Some women also lie about their age so that they will have a lower chance of being dismissed when the men select a preferred age range.

Some men like to lie about their height by adding a few extra inches. Or they had more hair in the photo and were bald in real life. Like the women, sometimes they use photos were taken of themselves many years ago which do not look close to how they look like.

Photos and figures should be as accurate as possible to reflect the real person. While we may feel that our looks do not change for the past 2 years because we look at ourselves daily and are insensitive to how we look to the other person.

We upload a photo of ourselves 2 years ago thinking we still look the same today but the other party may not feel the same as how we think about ourselves when they look at us. The best solution is to upload photos as recent as possible. I have a habit of putting dates on my photos to reflect my face and my body size to date.

Such deceptions may be deemed harmless or out of convenience by the doers but they may hint at even more undiscovered lies ahead. In the first place, one should be frank when making friends and have nothing to hide which will save the embarrassment for both parties.

3. Lying

Most upright and normal people do not lie in online dating because they are truly seeking someone that fits close to their desires.

I didn’t really meet many people whom I had felt at one stage lied about themselves and that I should stop talking to them immediately.

We can’t dispense the possibility that there are black sheep out there that will lie to get under the skirt or lie to be in a relationship.

The closer lie that I can recall was a very handsome man that looked like a model and I couldn’t believe my luck when he wrote to me. Like many men who knew girls online just to get sex but didn’t divulge it that soon because they want to talk to the women a bit more to gain their trust.

He spilt the milk somehow when I probed further. He said that he was sorry that he lied to me because what he wanted was just sex. Needless to say, we did not continue the chat because we did not know how to take it from there when the lie was exposed.

Many people put their status as single when in actual fact, they were not single at all. Some were already married and some were in a committed relationship. What they have in common is that they needed a quick hook-up with no strings attached. One has to be careful with these groups of people when searching for a serious relationship.

4. Fake Profiles and Scammers

Beware of Fake Profiles

This is one of the major flaws of the online dating system that turns people off even without them trying. Scammers behind those fake profiles would have a lot of time to play the waiting game with you and patiently make the other party fall in love with them.

There are a few strategies that I know of. They would always tell you about their problem and ask you for money which is the more outright method. When it is time to meet, they would ask you to pay for their air ticket by transferring their money first.

They may even tell you that they have already fixed a date to visit you but nearer to the date or on the date, they would tell you an emergency has cropped up and they need money to solve their problem. Eagerly trying to save your friend’s under emergency which leaves you no time to think rationally, you may succumb to the pressure.

Beware of Scammers

I had a European friend who talked to this girl from Thailand a few years ago. They had also done some video chats to confirm that she is a real person. Just when he thought that he had found his perfect match and decided to fly over from Europe to Thailand to see her for the first time, it turned out that she was a prostitute and he was asked to pay for her sexual service which he did not want.

He felt cheated and hurt that someone whom he had spent time talking to for 6 months was actually making use of his feeling and trust to buy her service. It a disappointing sad love story for him.

Beware of Fake Profiles

Solutions to Reduce Potential Problems

Due to the fact that I am (and so are others) clearly aware of the potential flaws, dangers and disappointments that online dating may present, I am also always reminded of the potential to meet wonderful people that came to my life by acknowledging the shortcomings. I would not let 100 disappointing men deter my 1% chance of meeting the right one.

a) Video Chat

Video chat can be arranged online prior to meeting the person in real life to confirm that the person is at least real and not using a fake profile. You can also take the opportunity to screen the shape and size if that question matters to you.

b) Call Apps

Calls apps like WhatsApp are used all over the world. One can send photos and videos over. Ask for the photos to be sent to you occasionally.

c) Social Media Contact

Exchanging social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram allow you to have an in-depth analysis of a person’s character by looking at the things that they post. You can also see more photos of the person. The idea is not to judge the person at an early stage but to confirm that this person is real with a genuine social lifestyle.

Facebook Twitter Instagram

Unfortunately, some people who are very private and low profile do not have many postings on their social media platforms and therefore this is not a good gauge. In the worst case, an empty profile could again suggest that the person might not be genuine.

d) Paying for the Air Ticket

If someone decides that he wants to pay for the air ticket so that the other party can come over for a meetup, the air ticket should be bought by the payer instead of transferring money over to the other person for security reasons.

Make sure the ticket is somewhat refundable or transferable in the event that the other person cannot come. Prior to buying it, ask for a copy of the passport to be forwarded to you on the pretext of a ticket purchase. This request should deter scammers from giving you their passport and coming over before one is being conned.

Beware of people asking for money to do them favours

If the online dating scene is so hopeless, why would all the millions of fools still be going to online dating sites every day? Everyone is looking for some hopes to find a suitable partner over the internet. Some have it and some don’t. That is life…

Related Articles

• How to Free Onlne Dating [Part I]

Introduction

Advantages of Online Dating

1. Majority of the people in online dating are singles and looking for something
2. You might know a person better in online dating than in real life

How to Online Dating? Pros and Cons

Many people have fears when they think about internet dating. It seems very unreal, unreliable and pretentious in the online dating world. There are many online dating sites on the internet and some are partially free with a choice to pay for premium features.

I have tried a lot of free online dating sites over the past 6 years when I was in Singapore and France. I was most active from 2013 to 2014 when I stayed in France because I have nothing much to do and writing to people became one pastime. Meeting people particularly the French, was part of my intention to understand the culture deeper.

I have read hundreds of online dating profiles of both men and women because I am very curious to know how other people write their profiles, what kind of photos they upload and how they look like.

I still do not understand why people are so sceptical and negative about online dating when some have not even tried. Perhaps they didn’t screen the right person to talk to according to what they want or perhaps they unwittingly give a wrong idea about themselves to the other party which resulted in the first meetup being awkward.

My screening process is very strict. I can happily say that I went out with quality men most of the time and the dates were exactly the way I wanted them to be, natural, relaxed in each other presence, fun-going with lots of laughter and awesome conversations. Getting a second date initiated by the man is clear evidence of a successful first date.

What are The Advantages of Internet Dating?

Before we even discuss the advantages, your mindset has to be set right. Online dating is a platform for friendship to blossom into the possibility of becoming exclusive in future, to have the first meetup but it doesn’t guarantee people that they can succeed in getting what they want. This means that most of the people that you meet will not become your future partner, but merely a friend or an acquaintance to start with.

1. Most people in online dating are singles and looking for something

By referring to singles, I include in the pool of people who are divorced, widowed or those with children who do not have a partner in their life at that moment. Some people in online dating are already married or in some form of an exclusive relationship. 

We are not discussing this group of people at this moment but only people who are eligible to go on a normal date as defined by the norm. 

When you meet somebody interesting and appealing to you in social gatherings or even on the street, supermarkets, bars etc. Have you ever wondered whether the person is taken or married? Yes, I know you did at some point but did not have the courage to ask your questions directly and skip the chance to know further.

When you are in online dating, you know you have a large pool of people who are singles like you and are available in one way or another. They are looking for at least one of these – friendship, sex, short term and long term relationship.

Many people state what they want upfront in their online dating profile whether directly or indirectly. Sometimes the description is not clear and you have to read in between the lines to find out what they are looking for and this can be rather ambiguous.

You have a better chance to meet people through online dating platforms if you do not have much of a social life due to working too much or simply because you are shy or just an introvert where approaching strangers in real life is out of your sanity.

Many people do not have a lot of experience in online dating and just leave it to destiny on how it will work out for them in future. The majority of the people tried it because they are curious about what is in store for them. Some people just want to meet others to hone their social and communication skills so it is pretty fun if you can take online dating light-heartedly and positively.

2. You might know a person better in online dating than in real life

I think many people will oppose this statement but hear me out first. This statement applies strongly to strangers in online dating whom you have never met before because it is part of the filtering and screening process. If you are popular and have a large group of people who write to you and are eager to go out with you, you will not have the time to go out with any Tom, Dick and Harry. You will be very picky about who you go out with.

The greatest advantage of online dating is to be able to talk about each other’s desires, values and objectives in life truthfully without the pressure and emotions from facing another person.

Think about this common scenario that is happening every day. A couple meets up immediately after exchanging 1 to 2 emails online. The woman is expecting a relationship may happen and the man just wants sex with no strings attached or friends with benefit.

How can you know the expectation of the other person better in real life when both parties are not even communicating and getting to know each other better online?

Not everyone in online dating lies. Some people lie about their weight, height, and age but they normally do not place emphasis on lying about their thoughts and their expectations. In fact, most people tend to tell the truth to a stranger online because at this point, there is no obligation to please the other person and people just speak their minds openly.

I thought I was the only one who think that through online dating one can know the other party better. Surprisingly, It turned out that one Taiwanese girl I know online (yes, she made friends with me) also said exactly the same thing from her experience when we exchanged our online dating experiences.

When you meet someone after talking to them for a while, the conversation is no longer in the screening mode. Instead, the relationship has advanced to a real friendship where many questions considered as sensitive and heavy should be avoided for a start.

Next Page

• How to Free Online dating [Part II] 

After 2 hours, my friend said she had a headache and wanted to buy panadol from Cold Storage right outside the restaurant. I offered to go and buy her panadol and asked her to sit inside the restaurant to rest and wait for me to come back.

After getting the panadol, I stepped out and saw a girl with a cropped hairstyle with her back facing me which looked familiar. I walked to her front and confirmed that she was the same beautiful girl that I saw in Sri Lanka Airport in January while having a stopover in Sri Lanka from Paris to Singapore.

In Sri Lanka Airport

This girl walked into the waiting hall, looking very mesmerising with a toned fit body and it was easy to spot her from far. She is very short and small in size with short black cropped hair.  She looked like a Eurasian. A very exotic and unique look with I cannot differentiate whether she was one.

Perhaps because her look was so full of mystery to me, I stared at her for quite some time. She seemed to have that X-factor. How I wish I could just walk over and say hello to her.

We had to take a shuttle bus that would bring us to the plane. That girl was standing beside me. It was a good chance to talk to her but I did not for fear that she would think that I was crazy or a lesbian. It was also awkward to speak in a jerky bus.

She did give me a polite smile when our eyes met. I stole a glance at her passport which she was holding.  It was marked “Suomi”. After I reached Singapore, I googled and found out that it was a Finnish passport.

I saw the same girl again!

I can’t believe that! Fate brought us to meet again from Sri Lanka to Singapore! This time the environment was conducive to talk. I was determined to break the ice. I went up to her and asked her whether she took the Sri Lanka flight back to Singapore in January. She affirmed with amazement. I told her sheepishly that I could recognise her look due to her exotic beauty.

She said she was a full-time ballet dancer and do modelling part-time when she is not dancing. No wonder her body is so toned and fit. She would be staying in Singapore for a few months to nurse her leg injury and go to the Philippines to do some modelling shoots.

She also clarified that she is of 100% Caucasian origin to satisfy my curiosity. As I have been to Helsinki, Finland before, I told her she didn’t look like a typical Finnish who has blond hair and blue eyes. We exchanged Facebook contact eventually and parted.

What a small world. This is what I called fate!

I have to believe that if you are fated to meet someone, no matter where the person is, how long two people are separated, you will still meet the person because destiny wants you to do so. I meet her on my birthday which was a wonderful memorable present.

I could have allowed my friend to go on her own without offering when she said that she wanted to go and buy the panadol. I could just sit in the restaurant like a birthday princess waiting for her to come back. Had I not taken the opportunity to show my gratitude by offering to walk over to the Cold Storage, I would have missed the opportunity to feel at this moment that fate could just slip away so easily.

Birthday Closure

I went inside the restaurant to join my friend. Shortly we left the restaurant and went to a café beside it. My friend had bought a 300g Prima Deli cake and the kind shop assistant allowed us to celebrate inside the café by bringing outside food while we ordered 2 coffees from the café too.

Thank you Ana for making yourself busy with getting the cake for me early morning in a location far from your house. Appreciate!

Valentine is the special day where lovey-dovey couples look forward to celebrating the love that they have held for each other to come so far. As one says, if two people are really in love, every day is Valentine’s Day.

So, why are people still having expectations on what to receive from their loved ones even though they are happily soaking in their sea of love? Is Valentine’s Day the most appropriate day where one can show love?

Obviously not, I heard voices behind your logical head. Since the feeling of love is ruled by the heart, many women would not deny, they have some forms of expectations from their partners even though they never word it out or sulk for not receiving that Valentine’s gift.

Secretly guys, the ladies just want to know how much you really care about them and would bother to make that effort to arrange something special for them. Many ladies don’t care really, how much you burn your wallets to make them happy.

That is to say that as long as they receive a present from you, they are happy. Period. All they want to see is that effort and effect to make them feel magical on that day so it does not mean that you have to spend a fortune to make them feel like a princess. They are already in love with you, isn’t it, Prince Charming?

Another reason which adds to some expectation on Valentine’s Day is the peer pressure from friends, colleagues and perhaps family members when being asked about the plans on the coming Valentine’s Day or when asked to describe the activities done after post-Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes it might feel a bit embarrassing to tell others that there are no plans for Valentine’s or that the couple did not have any activities on that day. Such feelings come strongest when the relationship has just branched out at an early stage.

Many people underestimate the significance of giving flowers. Flowers symbolise purity, youth and beauty. It associates a woman with her feminine side. No matter how long a relationship is, receiving flowers from a loved one always bring nostalgia and affection to the heart at all times.

It is also one of the most fundamental methods used in early dating which serves as a reminder to the receiver that she is always fondly remembered of just like the sweetness during the honeymoon period.

The types of flowers might hint at how the man feels about the woman. It is not necessary to google online to comprehend explicitly the meaning of the flowers. Follow your gut instinct and feel the unspoken admiration.

Although there are many different types of flowers that can be given on Valentine’s Day, roses are still the most classic way to say “I love you”.

Red roses are the classic representation of love and undying passion. Pink roses represent innocence, sweetness and romance. Blue roses illustrate an air of mystery and uniqueness. White roses honour and in remembrance of a person. It is not recommended to send just white roses on Valentine’s Day for fear of association with ill gestures.

On special occasions, it will not come as a surprise that most of the restaurants will be fully booked and reservations would have been booked way in advance. Remember to mark off the special day with a romantic dinner and a bottle of wine in a nice restaurant. Therefore, book your venue early to avoid disappointment.

Happy Valentine’s Day!