How to Free Online Dating [Part II]
Introduction to Online Dating and the Advantages of Online Dating
Table of Contents
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What are the Disadvantages of Online Dating?
Though I advocate the use of online dating to make more friends, I have to reflect truthfully what I perceive as the deterrents that many people will experience in one way or another. Being conscientious on some of the disadvantages discussed will give a better picture as to why people are behaving in one way or disappearing on online dating.
People give harsh critics to online dating generally because they think it is unreal and they have not met the real deal. In real life even without the world of online dating, don’t you think people can also fail in their reliability and character?
Accepting the flaws in online dating system can adjust your expectations and set your mentality right by not shutting it down on the first failed attempts if you encounter them.
1. Natural Death
It is very common to have what I called a ‘natural death’ during the process of email communication. Two people started out emailing each other frequently. Suddenly one party decided to withdraw from the online relationship and stopped communication instantly without warning and explaining.
It left the other party very confused and hurt which is one of the negative impacts that people have no faith in online dating anymore. Some might feel that they themselves are the cause of the disappearance of the other party.
Yet, normal people do not find a need to apologize for the things that they had done for leaving hurt and wonder to the other party about their abrupt disappearance. Experienced online daters would know that missing-in-action is pretty common in online dating so do not take it too hard as self-talk in not taking the blame for whatever happens is crucial in maintaining a positive spirit beneficial for you in the long run.
Many factors can account for this withdrawal behavior which I have analysed:
a) They realize that their objectives and expectations in life do not go hand-in-hand with the other party after a few emails exchange and they find it a waste of time to continue the online conversation.
b) Some people are looking for sex and if the other party does not want it, has shown no interest or resistance in their view, they drop him or her like hotcakes.
c) Some people are looking for a real long term relationship and if the other party does not show that they are the potential ones, they stop communicating as well.
d) They have found someone more interesting for them and they want to concentrate to talk to that one or few person which are being short-listed within their experiences.
e) Other online daters whom they talk to stay nearer to them so meeting up with them seem more realistic compared to a long distance relationship.
f) Some people just cannot hold an indepth conversation beyond that basic self-introduction after a few emails so the novelty fuses out in a short time.
g) They find you boring in online conversation and cannot see themselves meeting you for real in offline meeting.
h) Many people are reported as ‘being weird’ so if you fall into that category which they perceive you to be, you are out in their league.
i) Some questions are of the wrong timing. Assuming the ladies start telling the men about her plan to get married before xx years old or her plan about having babies, some men may run because the topics get a bit too heavy and early for them to handle.
j) Some people do not know what they want because they are new to online dating so they are actually not interested to form any deep relationship with anyone. Some even deactivate their accounts in 24 hours’ time after talking to a few person.
k) They are people who make use of online dating to heal their wounds when they have just broken off from their last partner. After they are healed, they go back to meeting people in real life and do not want to talk to anyone from online dating anymore anymore.
l) Simply too busy and time consuming
m) Suspecting that one party is lying or hiding something at some point in time.
Two very common complaints especially from the men about the women that they meet who lie about their weight online and they do not look close to how they look in their photos which make the men disappointed.
With the savvy technique of the camera trick with the right angle and photoshop, many women can look so much slimmer on photos than what they really are (watch the 12 seconds video below). Many men are quite concerned about dating plump or overweight women.
Women are also being complained of using too much makeup or makeover in their photos thus when they meet the men in real life without much makeup, they look like another person. Some women also lie about their age so that they will have a lower chance of being dismissed when the men select a preferred age range.
Some men like to lie about their height by adding a few extra inches. Or they had more hair in the photo and bald in real life. Like the women, sometimes they use photos taken of themselves many years ago which do not look close to how they look like.
Photos and figures should be as accurate as possible to reflect the real person. While we may feel that our look do not change for the past 2 years because we look at ourselves daily and are insensitive to how we look to the other person.
We upload a photo of ourselves 2 years ago thinking we still look the same today but the other party may not feel the same as how we think about ourselves when they look at us. The best solution is to upload photos as recent as possible. I have a habit of putting dates on my photos to reflect my face and my body size to date.
Such deceptions may be deemed harmless or out of convenience by the doers but they may hint at even more undiscovered lies ahead. In the first place, one should be frank when making friends and have nothing to hide which will save the embarrassment for both parties.
Most upright and normal people do not lie in online dating because they are truly seeking someone that fits close to their desires.
I didn’t really meet many people whom I had felt at one stage lied about themselves and that I should stop talking to them immediately.
We can’t dispense the possibility that there are black sheep out there that will lie to get under the skirt or lie to be in a relationship.
The closer lie that I can recall was a very handsome man that looked like a model and I couldn’t believe my luck when he wrote to me. Like many men who knew girls online just to get sex but didn’t divulge it that soon because they want to talk to the women a bit more to gain their trust.
He spilt the milk somehow when I probed further. He said that he was sorry that he lied to me because what he wanted was just sex. Needless to say, we did not continue the chat because we did not know how to take it from there when the lie was exposed.
Many people put their status as single when in actual fact, they were not single at all. Some were already married and some were in a committed relationship. What they have in common is that they needed a quick hook-up with no strings attached. One has to be careful with these group of people when searching for a serious relationship.
4. Fake Profiles and Scammers
This is one of the major flaws in online system that turns people off even without them trying. Scammers behind those fake profiles would have a lot of time to play the waiting game with you and patiently made the other party fall in love with them.
There are a few strategies which I know of. They would always tell you about their problem and ask you for money which is the more outright method. When it is time to meet, they would ask you to pay for their air ticket by transferring them money first.
They may even tell you that they have already fixed a date to visit you but nearer to the date or on the date, they would tell you an emergency has cropped up and they need money to solve their problem. Eagerly trying to save your friend’s under emergency which leaves you no time to think rationally, you may succumb to the pressure.
I had a European friend who talked to this girl from Thailand few years ago. They had also done some video chat to confirm that she is a real person. Just when he thought that he had found his perfect match and decided to fly over from Europe to Thailand to see her for the first time, it turned out that she was a prostitute and he was asked to pay for her sexual service which he did not want.
He felt cheated and hurt that someone whom he had spent time talking for 6 months was actually making use of his feeing and trust to buy her service. A disappointing sad love story for him.
Solutions to Reduce Potential Problems
Due to the fact that I am (and so are others) clearly aware of the potential flaws, dangers and disappointments that online dating may present, I am also always reminded of the potential to meet wonderful people that came to my life by acknowledging the shortcomings. I would not let 100 disappointing men to deter my 1% chance of meeting a right one.
a) Video Chat
Video chat can be arranged online prior to meeting the person in real life to confirm that the person is at least real and not using a fake profile. You can also take the opportunity to screen the shape and size if that question matters to you.
b) Call Apps
c) Social Media Contact
Exchanging social media such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram give you a more indepth analysis on a person’s character by looking at the things that they post. You can also see more photos of the person. The idea is not to judge the person at an early stage but to confirm that this person is real with a genuine social lifestyle.
Unfortunately some people who are very private and low profile do not have much postings in their social media platforms and therefore this is not a good gauge. In worst case, an empty profile could again suggest that the person might not be genuine.
d) Paying for the Air Ticket
If someone decides that he wants to pay for the air ticket so that the other party can come over for a meetup, the air ticket should be bought by the payer instead of transferring money over to the other person for security reason.
Make sure the ticket is somewhat refundable or transferable in the event that the other person cannot come. Prior to buying the ticket, ask for a copy of the passport to be forwarded to you on the pretext for purchasing purpose. This request should deter scammers from giving you their passport and coming over before one is being conned.
If online dating scene is so hopeless, why would all the millions of fools still be going to online dating sites everyday? Everyone is looking for a hope. Some had it and some don’t. That is life…
Do you have any negative experience in online dating? Does it stop you from having faith to know other people?